Special Delivery Part 1: Total. Shock.

NOTE: This is a LONG post. So long in fact that I decided to break the whole story up into parts that I’ll post throughout the week. Kind of like a little diary leading up to the big day! Enjoy (or skip; I won’t be offended)

Today is the one-year anniversary of something. The beginning of the longest week of my life. The start of the most difficult 50 days I hope to ever experience. One year ago today, my water broke.

If you’ve already heard this story ad nauseum, you don’t have to again. But part of the reason we decided to do this blog was so that Maddie could someday have a history of herself. And I’ve come to realize that in all the craziness I never really documented this experience. I want to always remember how grateful I am to have my beautiful healthy little girl. And I want her to know how many wonderful people gave their all for her. I know there are many many more babies who are much worse off than she was. We saw them everyday lining the tiny beds next to hers in the NICU. Our cousins are going through it right now. So please don’t think I’m trying to be overly dramatic or throw my own little pity party. I understand more than anyone how blessed we were and are. But our story is still important to us and deserves telling, even if only for her. So here goes.

6:30 a.m., Sunday, March 14, 2010. I was awake way earlier than I wanted to be, fighting a losing battle to find a comfortable sleeping position at exactly 31 weeks pregnant. Jordan and I were supposed to say the opening and closing prayers in Church but that wasn’t for hours; sleep was first and foremost on my mind. Suddenly I felt something wet and made a mad dash for the bathroom, thinking that I definitely wasn’t ready for the loss of bladder control pregnant women often experience. But as soon as I got there, I knew this was different. The fluid kept coming steadily, even though I wasn’t doing anything to allow that and I didn’t feel like I had anything in my bladder. I looked down and saw pink – not a good sign. I decided to jump into the shower next to the toilet so I could investigate further, and as soon as I saw the amount of liquid still coming, I knew this was no ordinary pregnancy symptom. After yelling for Jordan three times (he’s usually dead to the world when he’s asleep), he finally came in and I immediately told him that we needed to go to the hospital.

I knew something had happened, but I didn’t think it could be anything serious. I had had a completely normal and healthy pregnancy and was still 9 weeks away from my due date, May 16. So while I knew we needed to go to the hospital and get checked out, I didn’t really feel a sense of urgency. I puttered around getting dressed, picking out a book or two (in case there was a long wait) and grabbing a couple bananas to tide us over until we could have a real breakfast. I wasn’t panicked and somehow fully expected to be back home in a couple hours.

Thankfully, the hospital was only a mile or so from our house. We were scheduled to take a class and tour of the birthing center in April so we would know where to go when the time came, but obviously that didn’t help us at all now (we ended up getting a refund on the class!). We were directed to the 5th floor by an old lady manning the visitors’ desk and headed up the elevator. An employee let us in the secure door and we waited at the desk for someone to help us. Eventually, someone came out but she seemed more concerned that an employee had let us in than the fact that fluid was leaking from my body! Whatever. We finally made it to a room where a super nice nurse started asking me questions while Jordan filled out paperwork. Then she informed me they were just going to check the acidity of the fluid to see if it was amniotic fluid or something else. As soon as she looked at her little strip of pH paper, she turned to me and smiled. “Well, your water broke. It looks like you’ve bought yourself a stay with us for a while.”

Total. Shock. First of all, I’m 31 weeks pregnant. My Mom had seven kids and had to be induced with all of them. There is no way my water has broken 9 weeks EARLY. Secondly, what do you mean I’ve bought myself a stay in the hospital?! My water is broke!! There is no more fluid inside me. Get this baby out!! I have to admit in all of my careful planning and previous experience (I was the oldest of my Mom’s 7), I had no idea that they could keep the baby in once that happened. But boy did we get an education in those initial minutes! Turns out that the baby can still survive inside the womb even after the water breaks. The only real problem is the risk of infection since the baby is now technically exposed to the outside environ. So both mom and baby have to be constantly monitored, thus the hospital stay. They immediately put me on medication to stop labor (I hadn’t experienced any contractions yet, thankfully) and then gave Maddie an injection of steroids directly into my abdomen to help her lungs develop more quickly.

Luckily for me, my doctor, Dr. Nance, was already at the hospital for another delivery and came in to check on me and explain what we were going to do. 31 weeks is obviously early, and at this point, the lungs just aren’t developed enough for the baby to be able to breathe on her own. So the plan was to wait it out with a goal of 34 weeks. By then, her lungs would definitely be developed and it would be safe enough for her to come. This of course came with one big caveat, which was my body. Dr. Nance told me that while we were hoping to make it that far, at some point my body would just take over and no amount of drugs could stop it. So every day she got to stay in and continue developing was crucial and a victory. He also made sure to point out that I hadn’t done anything wrong and there was nothing more I could do except be a good patient and rest as much as possible.

They moved me to another room further away from the active delivery rooms and near three other moms who were in the same boat. Most women arrive at the hospital excited and anxious to get their babies out. The four of us were anxiously trying to keep ours in. Not exactly how I pictured this part. They hooked me up to a fetal heart monitor and began tracking my temperature and blood pressure every hour. Any change in her heart rate or rise in my temperature or blood pressure would be the sign that it was time to get her out. I was also started on an IV of antibiotics to help ward off infection and hooked up to a contraction monitor to make sure my body wasn’t getting too anxious.

At this point, reality was setting in and the enormity of what was happening began to dawn. This was going to be my life for three weeks … hopefully. I wasn’t upset or scared, just determined. Determined to do everything I could to take care of my baby, even though that power seemed to be quickly slipping through my fingers. I didn’t want to think about what should’ve been or what I had spent the last 31 weeks dreaming about, because obviously it wasn’t going to happen that way. I just wanted to focus on the present and keep my eyes on the prize – a beautiful, healthy little girl.

With the initial commotion dying down, we began making phone calls. One to the Bishop to apologize for not being able to say the prayers that day. One to the Young Women’s President to tell her I wouldn’t be there. Then came the tougher ones. First, my Mom. Her response: We’re packing the car this morning and will be there by tonight. I told her no. I was determined this baby wasn’t coming for another three weeks and she couldn’t take that much time off work so there was no point in her coming until Maddie was coming. She didn’t like it, but she understood. I think the fact that I was calm and not panicking helped her feel the same. Then we called Jordan’s family. Their response: You’re lying. And here’s where we need a side note! See, Jordan’s sister Jenna was due with her first baby in April. Only on the night of Feb. 16, Jenna’s water broke. By the time she got to the hospital, they couldn’t stop labor and little Mayli was born, almost 8 weeks early. Sound familiar?! So you can’t really blame Jordan’s family for thinking we were joking. How could the same thing happen in the same family less than five weeks apart?! Our next call was to my dad in California. In hindsight, we probably should’ve just established one contact person that we would update who would then turn around and update everyone else. I think the hardest part of the whole week ended up being fielding all the phone calls from everyone wanting to know what was going on!

The rest of the day was actually pretty boring. Jordan ran home for a few minutes to shower and get some supplies – snacks, books, games, toiletries, etc. I obviously didn’t have a hospital bag packed yet and was now in it for the long haul! I quickly mastered going to the bathroom with all my cords and IV lines, but that was the only place I was allowed to go. Other than that, I was on complete bed rest. The nurses were wonderful and came to check on me often, usually with some broad selection of medicine I was supposed to take – to this day I don’t even know all the stuff they had me on that week! Even the food wasn’t bad! The YW president and other counselor came by to visit after Church, and my brother and sister-in-law visited that evening. The best part of the day though was the Selection Show. Thank goodness for college basketball! Maddie happened to choose the most wonderful week of the year (in my opinion) to wreak havoc, which ended up being a lifesaver. Having the NCAA Tournament to distract me from the pain and worry was seriously huge. Even my doctor would come visit me just to check the scores and see how my bracket was doing!

As nighttime approached, we got some bad news – they were out of portable beds! So Jordan was going to have to sleep in the chair. But he was adamant about staying with me no matter what. I want to say right now that I have the best husband in the entire world. Period. Obviously this experience was seriously crazy for me, which is what everyone was focused on. Me and the baby. But just imagine for a moment how my husband felt, the worry and anxiety he was dealing with for both Maddie and I, the two most important things in his world. The helplessness he felt after putting so much pressure on himself to take care of us. And of course, while I think I held it together pretty well for the most part, I definitely had my meltdown moments and leaned heavily on him for support. So take all of that and then add full-time school and full-time work on top of it. CRAZY. And yet he still folded his 6-foot-4 frame into a chair to sleep at night instead of sleeping in his own bed less than a mile away just so that he could stay with me. He was like that the whole time, taking care of me and spending as much time as possible right at my side. If that isn’t the definition of selfless love, I don’t know what is.

So that’s how we spent Sunday night. It’s ironic that the day started with me trying to find a comfortable way to sleep. Let me tell you how easy that was in a hospital bed with an IV tube going in one hand, a heart monitor around my stomach and nurses coming in every hour to give me meds and check my vitals (although again, at least I had a bed so no complaining!) I’ll give you a little sneak peak and tell you that ended up being the most comfortable night I had the whole week! Stay tuned!

PART TWO …